Columnist advises readers to use humor to handle matching hairstyles with ex-partners

Readers of the Chicago Tribune’s advice column received practical guidance on managing social discomfort in blended families on Monday. The column, written by child custody mediator Jann Blackstone, addressed a specific scenario involving two women who share nearly identical hair color and style. The advice aims to help co-parents navigate recurring social interactions without letting minor aesthetic details strain their relationship.

The inquiry came from a woman who described her husband’s ex-wife as

obsessed

with matching her appearance. The reader noted that the ex-wife changed her hair from brunette to the exact blonde shade and style of the reader’s hair. This similarity became a source of embarrassment during shared family events, such as children’s soccer games, where the two women often sat near each other. The reader asked for

good ex-etiquette

to handle the situation.

Blackstone responded by reframing the issue as a matter of perspective rather than a personal attack. She shared a personal anecdote about her stepdaughter, a hairstylist, who cut both her and her mother’s hair in similar styles. This led to confusion from friends who mistook the stepmother for the stepdaughter. Blackstone resolved the situation by acknowledging the similarity with humor and changing her own style. She emphasized that addressing the issue directly, without assigning blame, is the most effective approach.

The columnist advised the reader to skip asking her husband for input, as that could make him feel awkward. Instead, she suggested using a simple, lighthearted explanation if others at social events comment on the resemblance. Blackstone recommended saying,

We have the same hair stylist,

as a way to defuse the moment. She stressed that maintaining a pleasant dynamic is more important than resolving who gets to wear which look.

Blackstone highlighted that the reader’s statement that they

aren’t enemies