20 years later, one woman's workplace assault still dictates her life

A woman who moved back to her hometown last year is leaving again because the trauma from a workplace sexual assault two decades ago resurfaced with intense force. The reader, writing under the name Damaged in the East, described a cycle of abuse by a supervisor that lasted almost a year and left lasting psychological scars.

The incident began about 20 years ago at her former job. The supervisor used several tactics to control the situation. He isolated her from colleagues and tried to befriend her. When she pushed back, he apologized insincerely. He also claimed that his status as a pillar of the community meant no one would believe her. At one point, he told her she had not meant it when she said no.

The timeline of her struggle spans two decades. During the year the abuse occurred, her then-husband also began drinking and becoming abusive. She left the job after another incident, but the company swept the matter under the rug. She moved to a different state for 18 years and believed she had left the past behind.

Last year, she returned to her hometown. The move triggered a resurgence of symptoms. She described the triggers as intense at times. Because of this renewed pain, she and her current husband are planning to move to another state. She expressed frustration that her life and her children's lives were affected by events from 20 years ago.

The reader noted that she stood up to her boss for a long time until she stopped caring. She plans to start a special form of PTSD therapy after the move. She believes she will never be the same as before the incident.

Abigail Van Buren, who writes the Dear Abby column, responded to the letter. She agreed that no one should have to go through such an experience. Van Buren described the story as a reminder that workplace sexual assault remains an ongoing problem. She supported the reader's plan to get professional help.

Van Buren noted that a therapist is better equipped to assist the reader at this stage than the column writer is. She advised other readers who have been sexually assaulted at work to secure as much evidence as possible. She recommended going straight to the police first. She advised against starting the process by going to higher-ups in the company or the human resources department.

According to Van Buren, those individuals often prioritize protecting the company over seeking justice. She suggested consulting a lawyer who specializes in sexual abuse to advise on when and how to report the incident to HR. She provided the contact information for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, known as RAINN. The organization operates a national hotline at 1-800-656-4673 for questions about sexual assault.

The column, founded in 1956 by Pauline Phillips, has been written by Jeanne Phillips for nearly four decades. Readers can contact Dear Abby through its website or by mail at P.O. Box 270135 in Kansas City, Missouri. The advice in this week's column focuses on navigating the aftermath of long-term workplace trauma.